• Broadway Beat

Fuck It: Elphaba Actress Just Not Doing Green This Week

by Zach Raffio. @zachraffio.

NEW YORK, NY - Broadway actor Natalie Cambridge, currently starring as Elphaba in the hit musical Wicked, announced today that she won’t be donning the character’s classic green skin this week, simply because “fuck it”, sources have confirmed.


“Honestly, just fuck it,” she said, still wearing the rest of the costume with no other alterations. “It’s every goddamn day with the green paint. Putting it on, wiping it off - it just adds a whole extra 40 minutes to my day. So, fuck it, I’m not doing it this week.”


Cambridge’s decision has baffled the show’s creative team, who see the character’s grene skin as a vital part of her on-stage portrayal. Still, her protest has inspired other actors to make adjustments to their elaborate costumes as well.


“Fuck it, I’m not doing the goat this week,” says actor Henry Hormon, currently portraying goat/Life Science professor Dr. Dillamond in the show. “I know it may ruin some of the show’s charm and the theater magic, but really, I just don’t feel like it. The horns take forever to glue on and I’m tired, so fuck it, no goat,” he added before stepping on stage and making goat noises but just looking like a man.


Audience members appeared perplexed at the cast’s decision.


“We paid top dollar to see Wicked at its full glory,” says Jane Frank, in town from Ann Arbor. “To see the actors wearing the costumes but none of the makeup isn’t what we signed up for. But then again, it looks like a lot to deal with every night, so fuck it, I get it,” she added before unbuttoning her jeans and lighting a cigarette in the theater.


At press time, the entire cast was seen hanging out on stage, eating sour cream & onion Pringles and watching the latest episode of HBO’s Succession on a stagehand’s iPad. The audience were also eating snacks and watching prestige TV, as were the ushers and house staff.


Broadway fans have already seen Wicked’s “fuck it” affect other Broadway shows; a recent performance of The Lion King featured sock puppets as opposed to the usual elaborate animal marionettes, while Jake Gyllenhall performed his Sea Wall/A Life monologue while playing Words With Friends and eating a large Italian sub.