by Edward Precht. @pertoltprecht.
BRANSON, Mo. - The new Disney+ series Encore! - in which host Kristen Bell reunites cast members of high school musicals to recreate their performance years later - released an episode today that revives that production of Seussical when you learned your parents were getting a divorce at intermission in truly detailed fashion, sources confirmed.
“They recreated everything,” you noted while being fit for a new big blue boa. “My real parents, who now live in separate states, came to the performance just to pop into the wings after I sang ‘Notice Me, Horton’ and tell me they’re taking part in a ‘trial separation’ and that I should ‘pick out a nice weekend bag’. They’ve been separated for 25 years. Why did they agree to do this? Why is that part of the show?” you wonder before missing your cue and totally messing up the Act One finale.
While your drama teacher, Ms. Haversham, passed away a few years back, Encore! was able to find an old audio recording of her loudly shushing your parents and saying “We are trying to put on a show!” followed by your mother saying “The only show being put on here is this sham of a marriage!” followed by the impossibly-loud sound of your father rolling his eyes.
They did, however, manage to track down several of your classmates to join the fun.
“A few of us bullied you pretty bad after that happened,” noted class gossip queen Veronica Rimbeaud, now a legal assistant. “We were just kids, and I’m a different person now - but Kristen Bell still made me call you ‘Cindy Lou Who Am I Seeing for Christmas’ and put pictures of your Mom’s new boyfriend in your locker. I’m so sorry, none of us are enjoying this,” she added before prank calling you as your mom to tell you that she and your dad worked everything out.
Disney+ has faced a bit of backlash already for their dedication to getting every detail of the performances correct.
“They made me shit my pants,” noted Missouri accountant Dave Kendall. “I had a bad stomach bug and totally pooped my white sailor’s uniform during South Pacific Junior year. I thought I’d get to redeem myself, but Kristen Bell force-fed me laxatives before the show - smiling the entire God damn time. I just… I don’t understand,” he added while crying in the car home just as he did two decades earlier.
The episode also features a few special celebrity cameos to recreate extra special moments from the performance: Brian D’Arcy James hops in to perform a few lines as Your Dad Who’s Just So Tired of Arguing, and a stunning Kate Baldwin perfectly emulates the role of Your Mom Who Can’t Do This Anymore - while you play yourself the whole time, revisiting every painful memory in surprisingly high-budget detail.
This episode of Encore! Is now available on Disney+, as well as in your mind every week during therapy.