Uh-Oh: We Followed Up With Diana Goodman from NEXT TO NORMAL, and She’s Fully Into RFK Jr. Now

by Ben Schrager. Instagram: @ben.schrager. Bluesky: @benschrager.bsky.social.

SPARTANBURG, SC - Good news and bad news, Broadway Beatniks (does that work as a name for our fanbase? We’re testing it out). The good news is that we’ve tracked down Diana Goodman from Next to Normal, and she’s still alive! The bad news is, she’s fully into RFK Jr. now.

“The doctors tried to convince me that their electroshock and pills could save me. But it was only after I heard RFK Jr. speak that my mind cleared and I realized they were trying to keep me sick,” said Diana, whose YouTube Channel describes her as a "Holistic Visions Guru."

“I have now come up with a regiment that defeats all mental illness through a combination of de-fluoridizing water, turmeric supplements, and my patented self-administered electroshock therapy, that Big Pharma can’t use for mind control. Ever since I started, I feel like there’s nothing but mountains ahead!”

The rest of the Goodman family feel less enthused about Diana’s newfound embrace of the MAHA movement.

“Are you surprised?” asked Natalie Goodman, Diana’s adult daughter and owner of three separate BetterHelp subscriptions that she has forgotten to cancel. “The last time I saw my mom, she tried to trick my children into drinking a milkshake made with raw milk. She said serving them pasteurized milk was child abuse. They had diarrhea for a week. Somehow, that was still one of the better Thanksgivings we’ve had.”

Despite the open disapproval of her family, Diana has amassed a major online following. Peter Spatzwell, a chiropractor and self-described “5G Truther,” is a big fan.

“Diana is helping us take back our agency against industries that want us to feel like the pebbles in the river and not the current,” said Spatzwell, who has BrainyQuote.com and ChatGPT pinned to his home screen.

“Most of her family opposes her, but she has the full support of her son Gabe, who she mentions on the channel all the time. She says her son has witnessed the light return to her eyes and that he knows there’s a world out there where we can be free, if we all just follow Kennedy’s sterling example. He seems like a remarkable young man. I hope to meet him some day.”

At time of reporting, Diana has been nominated to a new position at the Department of Health called The Ghost Czar. She’s expected to be approved with full Republican support, plus John Fetterman.