CHICAGO to Begin Mandatory Draft Casting

by Brady Thomas. @cbradyt.

NEW YORK, NY. — Ten-hut!  The Broadway Beat can confirm that, at 0800 this morning, orders have been distributed across the city drafting citizens into performing in the cast of Chicago for various stints throughout the 2027 performance calendar.

“We are asking New Yorkers to serve one of the great cultural institutions of this city!” barked Sergeant R.J. Morrison, drill master for the newly announced Razzle Dazzle regiment. “Since 1996, this production has been the pride of the Great White Way, and this new casting initiative will be asking upstanding citizens to uphold that fine artistic legacy!  There will be sweat, and there will be blood, but by God, I will whip these civilians into tip-top tap dancing shape!”

Orla Flynn, a Brooklyn school teacher summoned for a spring stint as Roxie, was practically buzzing in anticipation.

“I’ve always wanted to be on stage,” beamed Flynn as she prepared for basic training in her state-issued LaDucas. “I had the degree as a backup, but kept putting in shifts at Ellen’s Stardust Diner, waiting to be discovered.  I thought the dream had died, but then I got the notice this morning along with a script and some fishnets!

Full disclosure: I have no idea how they plan on legally enforcing this, nor do I get the whole military angle, but who cares? Come next March, the name on everybody’s lips is gonna be Orla!”

Blaine Blashka, a bodega owner residing in Queens, did not share Flynn’s enthusiasm for his draft notice.

“So let me get this straight,” began Blashka, whose father received a similar draft notice for the war in Vietnam. “According to this letter, I’m playing the main broad’s cuck husband from January 15th - February 21st.  Not only am I not attending to my store for all the performance dates, but I have to come in over the holidays to learn the steps and the stage directions, all for a show that most of my customers only see if their third favorite cousin is in town? At least when my father was drafted, he got to drive a tank!”

“Besides,” snarked Blashka, “if you ask me, this is just a way for them to squeeze a little more money out of a struggling production. Why pay for a Real Housewife or sitcom has-been when you can get Lisa from the Bronx on state orders?”