BOOKED AND BLESSED! This Man is in The Epstein Files
- Broadway Beat
- Jul 1
- 1 min read
WASHINGTON D.C. — Booked it, baby! It was revealed today that the DOJ informed Donald Trump that he is, officially, in the Epstein files.
“I try to audition for every show out there, but I didn’t even know this was happening,” pouted actor Todd Parsons, whose lack of political or societal power may have had something to do with it. “My acting professors told me not to act too much with my hands… I guess it worked for some people, though.”
The DOJ (which we assume stands for the Dramatists of Juilliard) had this to say about Trump’s audition:
“It was jaw-dropping. He truly touched so many people,” the DOJ reported, while in a government-looking building for some reason. They also added that Trump’s audition was “captivating”—or maybe they just said the word “captive," we’re not sure.
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