by Kendall Davis. @hahakendalldavis.
NEW YORK, NY – Director Michael Mayer announced this week that the ensemble of the hit jukebox musical A Beautiful Noise will now be composed entirely of drunk Boston Red Sox fans.
“I first heard the Red Sox fans’ haunting rendition of ‘Sweet Caroline’ during a game last fall. I instantly burst into tears when I heard their natural harmonies ring throughout the stadium,” Mayer said, wiping a single tear from his cheek with the foam finger he wore throughout the interview. “I knew it would be risky, but I knew that those fans were the key to unlocking this show’s full potential.”
Sean O’Sullivan, a lifelong Red Sox fan and new ensemble member, was excited about the opportunity to perform on the historic stage of the Broadhurst Theatre beginning this spring.
“Back in Boston I’m just a HVAC technician, but here I’m going to be a superstar! Like Matt Damon or something,” boasted O’Sullivan between gulps of Sam Adams. “When the director Mikey first approached me during the seventh inning stretch about doing the show, I was hesitant because the Yankees suck. But since practice started it’s been wicked cool.”
Another ensemble performer, Bianca Russo, used sense memory techniques to inform her character on stage, recalling memories of baseball games throughout her life.
“BA BA BAAAA!” Russo belted out between hiccups. Unfortunately, Ms. Russo passed out before commenting further.
Theatre critic Ida Jones called the cast overhaul a ‘bold move.’
"During preliminary rehearsals, it became evident that none of the fans had any prior stage experience, nor did any of them know any Neil Diamond songs other than the ‘Sweet Caroline’ chorus. But they’re not union, so the production saved a ton of money.”
The show’s new ensemble is slated to take the stage this March, assuming none of the performers die from alcohol poisoning before then.