by Meganne Evans. @heyitsmeganne.
CLEVELAND - Scandal shook the Baldwin Wallace theatre department last Thursday when it was revealed that sophomore Katie Hudson does not like the taste of Traditional Medicinals’ Throat Coat tea. When department heads heard this news, they elected to change her major from the prestigious Musical Theatre B.F.A. to the B. A. in Theatre Studies, as is protocol.
“I’m not sure why they decided to punish me in such a humiliating way,” said Hudson while sipping just a normal ginger tea. “I get that I’m supposed to take care of my voice, but why is my spot in the program dependent on my willingness to drink this very specific brand and flavor of tea? I’ve been steaming daily, isn’t that enough?”
Actors still welcome in the program were quick to answer her inquiry.
“It is not enough,” huffed Marjorie Evansman, a junior B. F. A. student who wanted us to mention that she’s a first soprano. "Katie clearly knows nothing about commitment and loyalty. She wouldn’t last a day on Broadway.”
Theatre studies graduate Danielle Smith offered to talk to us about how the wider range of technical skills covered in the B. A. program have given her “more opportunities” and “a career”, but we declined because she sounded like someone who never had to do a jury. Instead, we sat down with MT Program Coordinator Dr. Diane Manheim.
“This behavior is not only careless, but it also shows a lack of respect,” explained Dr. Manheim. “Today she's refusing to drink this tea, but tomorrow she could be wearing tan character shoes instead of black ones. She can still be in the department, but definitely not in the public eye.”
Hudson later claimed that even though her body has physically rejected Throat Coat every time she’s tried it, she would be open to seeing if adding honey makes it any better. Despite this, the university has not retracted their statement, and her unfortunate status will be in place for the foreseeable future. Her parents, who must be cripplingly ashamed, were not available for comment.