by Devin Wallace. @thedevinwallace.
ALLENTOWN, PA - As the extended Griffin family prepares to spend the holiday being merry and watching some Thanksgiving day football, artsy family member Josh Griffin is excitedly preparing his revival of the same “sportsball” joke he’s been trotting out since two thousand-freaking-eleven.
“My sportsball joke proves why they call me a triple-threat,” said Griffin, while pronouncing the name Tom Brady like it’s fucking Klingon. “I can pretend I don’t pay attention to the world around me, base my entire personality on not liking something, and make everyone around me feel bad for enjoying a popular pastime. Not a lot of people have my talents, but hey, that’s why I do this every single year.”
Family members have been made well-aware of the joke’s revival through a barrage of self-advertising in the family group chat.
“He started in August saying he was ready for the big game,” said Deanna Griffin over the sound of her fully-adult son asking what even is a field goal (even though he knows god damn well what it is). “But he put a hockey puck emoji instead of a football. You know, because it’s funny to not know things like other well-adjusted adults. It’s funny, even after all these years…”
A number of younger attendees are looking forward to the restaging of Josh’s classic joke.
“I love when he says it,” said 14-year old cousin Trish Griffin, secretly filming Josh for an extremely well-deserved TikTok. “Everyone immediately rolls their eyes, leaves the room, and even starts cursing at him. It makes me the family favorite!”
Some relatives report Griffin repeatedly warmed up with another turn-of-the-century favorite of his, “Wow, much sports, go team, score that point goal.”