Area Woman Captures Reeve Carney By Placing Fancy Hat Under Box Propped Up By Stick
by Aidan Sears. @aidanjsears.
NEW YORK -- Local theater fan Hannah Paulson announced today that she has successfully captured Hadestown star Reeve Carney by using a mechanism of her own invention - a box propped up by a stick, under which is placed one very interesting hat.
“I’ve stage doored for Reeve more times than I can count,” Paulson said as she kept watch on the trap from her stakeout van a block away from the Walter Kerr Theatre. “Those meetings are so fleeting. I want something more lasting, and Reeve wants another big fun hat. It’s a win-win.”
Sources close to Paulson say that her plan to capture the fashionable and elusive tenor began over two months ago, when the Original Broadway Cast Recording of Hadestown was released on Spotify. Those close to Paulson have been keenly aware of her crafty plan.
“Hannah rushed out of the house this morning carrying loose trap supplies and said, ‘Mama, I’m going to catch me the fancy boy,’ which confused and concerned me,” said Beth Paulson, Hannah’s mother. “I mean, nobody’s been able to capture Reeve thus far - he’s swift, skittish, and has solid natural instincts. That being said, I’ve always encouraged her crafty side.”
Spokespeople for Carney say that they were not aware of this specific plot, and while they took all proper precautions to ensure his safety, Paulson’s plan clearly proved foolproof.
“We’ve discussed with Reeve the dangers of being famous in New York City,” Carney’s agent Andrew Ryall said. “You can’t just go around picking up every kind-of-different hat you see, because one of them might be the bait to an ACME-style box-and-stick trap. This is the same man who once forgot his lines during a performance because he got distracted by a handsome pair of suspenders in the audience, so it was only a matter of time.”
Eyewitnesses report that in the days before Carney fell for the trap, Paulson has had to shoo away multiple local baristas from picking up the neat hat.
At press time, Carney was seen muttering “dang nabbit” as he sat in the wooden crate, wearing his new hat and and picking through the small bucket of pocket watches that Paulson placed in the crate as backup.