by Alison Cummins. @alisoncummins13.
CLEVELAND, Oh. – Local accountant Marta Underwood, 42, announced today that she just might just quit her job and move to New York to pursue singing, after waking up in a cold sweat every night for the last week at the memory of her high school choir teacher's "you have a real shot at this professionally" praise.
“It all started in the tenth grade,” Underwood explained while purchasing copious amounts of sheet music online. “My choir teacher Mr. Pierce told me that I could be something really special if I just kept at it. And I didn’t! I went to college and majored in business and now I have a six-figure job, a great husband, two amazing kids, and no debt. A living hell!”
Frederick Wright, accountant and Underwood’s coworker, agreed enthusiastically to help Underwood achieve her dreams.
“She came to me asking if I’d be the Kurt to her Rachel,” Wright explained while scrolling through the Glee Wikipedia page. “I don’t know what that means, and I think it might be offensive. She keeps asking me to be her ‘GBF’ on this journey. I’m not even gay. I’m just the only guy in the office who wears sweaters.”
Kent Underwood, Marta’s husband of fifteen years and father to her children, has been nothing but supportive through her abrupt life change.
“She likes to sing?” Kent asked, making two PB&Js while holding a child in one arm. “I’m not a bad husband, I swear. She’s just genuinely never mentioned singing before. She sings Adele sometimes in the shower - wait, didn’t she do choir for, like, one year in high school?”
At press time, Underwood wrote her resignation letter and bought a one-way ticket to New York City to pursue her artistic dreams. She then googled how much working singers make and the cost of living in the Big Apple, after which she promptly shredded her resignation letter and hugged her children. She returned to work the next day with a renewed appreciation for her life.