HOORAY! Acting Professor Wrote an Awful Play and Now He Wants You to Do the Live Table Read

by Allyson Stathers. @allysonstathers.

ASHEVILLE, NC — Awesome! Theatre Major Carissa Calloway’s acting professor has written an awful play called Black & White, and now wants her to participate in the live table read.

“It’s one of the worst things I’ve ever read,” claimed Calloway as she highlighted her lines in anger. “I mean, it’s one thing to have your Prof write a script and tell you about it, but it’s another thing when he forces you to read it in front of an actual audience.”

We spoke with Professor Jeff Tides, who was printing out several copies of his play on the student printers at the university library, to see what this play was about. 

“It’s an original piece I wrote about racism from my opinion as a caucasian man,” beamed Professor Tides while pushing away the student whose printer balance he was stealing. “It’s a piece that I believe will start a conversation. I wanted something that proved I had no idea what I am talking about, yet something that I can force my students to participate in since I know no professional actor would want anything to do with it.”

Elisa Madden, a Senior that runs the costume shop like the Navy, had her own opinions on the live table read of Black & White.

“Prof Tides told me he had the ‘role of a lifetime’ for me, and I was honored to be on his mind,” stated Madden in between ripping out seams from a pair of trousers. “But once I found out it’s because I’m the only non-white person in the theatre program, I was no longer interested. Why would he think I’d want to sit there and listen to my friends pretend to be racist towards me for two hours and forty minutes?”

Calloway also claimed that Professor Tides once wrote a play called In the Files that wasn’t well received, but since he has tenure, there’s nothing any of the theatre majors can do about it.