BREAKING: Your Accountant Boyfriend Was Called Back for That Self-Tape You Made Him be a Reader For
by Rebecca Ballinger. @reberkk.
NEW YORK, NY – It turns out those eight views YouTube Analytics reported for your most recent self-tape were actually thanks to your accountant boyfriend, Scott, who you made read with you. They would love to see him at callbacks on Thursday.
“Even though we couldn’t see him on camera, he captivated everyone in the casting room,” said artistic associate, Marissa Chenny, referring to Scott’s sultry monotone delivery given as he held the sides three inches from his nose. “It’s like he wasn’t even acting; he was living that role. The stage hasn’t been graced with that level of unabashed, effortless talent since Marlon Brando,” Chenny added, dreaming about the credit she will get for discovering the Second Coming of Brando.
Once he was reminded which audition this was, Scott was eager to comment on the accidental audition.
“Oh, right! I thought my girlfriend killed it in that audition video. She said all the words in the right order. She’s so talented!” Scott gushed while packing his lunch before leaving for his accountant job where he most definitely gets PTO.
Right before walking out the door to go contribute to his 401k, he paused and asked: “By the way, what is a callback?”
Martha Neece, Scott’s mom, recounts his past experience in the performing arts.
“Scott has always had a flair for performing. He’s got a beautiful singing voice,” Mrs. Neece said before pulling up a video on her iPad of Scott screaming along to "What Hurts the Most" at a recent Rascal Flatts concert. “He also spoke at his grandmother’s funeral, and let me tell you, there wasn’t a dry eye in that church,” she continued while pulling Scott’s senior portrait from its frame. “I wonder if he could use this as a headshot?”
As for your performance, the casting team appreciates your time and effort. There are no roles to offer you at this time, but they’ll keep your materials on file.