"How Do You Think It Went?" asks Director Who Doesn’t Know Where to Fucking Begin

by Samantha Prosser. @samanthprosser (Twitter), @samantharaquelprosser (Instagram).

PLAINFIELD, IN. - The Plainfield Players production of Almost, Maine premiered at Plainfield High School last Friday, reportedly littered with missed cues, malfunctioning lights, and bad improv. Director Rebecca Saunders reportedly wrote pages of notes on her oversized legal pad - but after opening night, sources say she simply folded her hands, stared at her cast, and asked, “How do you think it went?”

“I know kids are sensitive,” said Saunders, who spent her interview cross-stitching the Northern Lights. “When that floundering freshman forgot his lines and started listing random facts about the state of Maine, I could have halted the show, but I held my tongue. It’s called a teachable moment. When the rest of the cast took that as license to do whatever they wanted… well… I suppose that was a second, third, fourth, fifth, and sixth teachable moment.”

Keir Pound, the freshman in question, maintained that his gaffe was the least of anyone’s worries.

“I succeeded where the script failed! It is much easier to tell a girl that Maine has 1.34 million residents than it is to tell her you love her,” he said, clutching an almanac to his chest. “I asked Ms. Saunders if I could do dramaturgy for the next play and she said, ‘once I’m out of here, you can do whatever you want.’ She has a lot of faith in my abilities.”

Theatregoer Norah Hancock, who reportedly whispered “That’s my boyfriend,” whenever one particular lacrosse player was onstage, disagreed with Pound’s analysis.

“I love it when my guy gets artistic,” she said, allowing the word “artistic” to do a lot of heavy lifting. “But the play was garbage. I asked my dad what he thought and he was quiet for a really long time before saying, ‘It’s not nice to make fun of people.’ At one point, some kids started heckling the actors and Ms. Saunders just thanked them for engaging with the text.”

When asked about the future of the Plainfield High School theatre department, Saunders paused before indicating that she plans on moving to Carmel, Indiana - where their recent production of Noises Off was riddled with mistakes, but no one could tell.