"Annie Live!" Updates Political Lyrics to Support Beliefs of Whoever Owns Most NBC Stock
by Edward Precht. @pertoltprecht.
NEW YORK, NY – The sun’ll come out tonight! NBC’s newest live-broadcast musical – joining the ranks of hits like Hairspray, Peter Pan, and Jesus Christ Superstar – is Annie Live!, the popular tale of a newly-adopted (and newly-wealthy) orphan living through the Great Depression. Ahead of its release, NBC teased several updates to the 1977 musical, including tweaks to the song’s political content, all written by NBC majority shareholder Elton Van Ross III.
“I’ve always loved Annie,” said the billionaire, whose 61% share in NBC gives him majority control of the company and all affiliated programming. “But as good as it is, I never quite got the ending. FDR showing up out of the blue, promising welfare programs and economic reform? Not in my America, and now, thanks to my 61% share, not in NBC’s America!”
The revised song, now titled “NewBC Deal for Christmas” has been described by the network as a “12-minute rebuke of the Roosevelt Administration followed by an alternative take on free market capitalism, as sponsored by NBC.” Updated lyrics include a verse from Rooster about how he’ll never join a labor union, a full section from the orphans about the dangers of deficit spending, and a special appearance by the new Saturday Night Live cast members, who take turns giving FDR some big ol’ wedgies.
Perhaps the most notable change is the addition of a new character: former First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt.
“From the very beginning, I knew I wanted Eleanor in the mix,” said Van Ross’s co-writer, Elton van Ross IV, as he sipped from an ‘NBC: Remember The Office?’ mug. “She has the most important role in the song, if not the whole musical. See, as soon as she enters, she slips on a banana peel and bonks her head, and then goes ‘Owie, my dumb-dumb head, I don’t know nothing about politics!’ and all the orphans laugh and laugh and go ‘You’re a fool, Eleanor Roosevelt, you’re no one to look up to, not like famed NBC daytime television host Ellen DeGeneres!’ and they all boo her until she leaves. Inspirational stuff.”
Not everyone is on board with the revisions.
“I think we went a bit too far,” said Harry Connick Jr., whose Daddy Warbucks now sports a bright red FDR WAS WRONG, WATCH YOUNG ROCK NOW ON PEACOCK t-shirt. “Near the end of the song, I’m supposed to denounce the President and his New Deal, and proclaim myself a servant of Moloch, god of money and child sacrifice. Then we all sit down and watch two full episodes of La Brea.”
Annie Live! premieres tonight at 8/7c. Those wishing to view the show may do so only after purchasing a full 400 NBC shares, or at least a Chicago Fire NFT.