WAIT! We Had Another Topical Funny Girl Joke But Got Locked in a K-Mart and Couldn't Post Until Now
by Devin Wallace. @thedevinwallace.
OSSINING, NY - Hold the phone, stop the presses! The Broadway Beat had a hilarious, insightful, and very topical joke about Lea Michele’s casting in Funny Girl, but we had Wi-Fi trouble, ya know, when we were locked inside a K-Mart.
The joke is really funny if you imagine us posting it in September 2022, so here it goes…wait, actually we should address the whole K-Mart thing. The entire staff of The Broadway Beat was buying props for a Funny Girl parody about Liz Truss and Queen Elizabeth that would also have been a timely gut-buster if we weren’t trapped in an abandoned K-Mart in Ossining, New York for four months.
Did we all have to sneak onto a train to travel thirty miles north of NYC just to buy poster board and a plastic crown at an extremely locked and incredibly off-limits K-Mart? We knew we could buy those props – you know, the props for the wildly topical and wildly-er humorous Funny Girl joke – off Amazon, or we could support a local (out-of-business) business. We chose community over corporations (we’re pretty sure K-Mart is legally no longer a corporation).
None of that matters because of the joke, which we’re prepared to tell you, right after we make it very clear that anyone could have mistaken that pitch-black, freezing cold, deathly silent, decrepit K-Mart for a center of business and commerce. Seventeen Broadway Beat writers made that incredibly common, everyday mistake!
So our headline…well while we’re talking about headlines, the real headline here should be how totally normal and not embarrassing it is to lock yourself anywhere (especially not a K-Mart that I’m pretty sure is now run by a raccoon triumvirate). That’s what people can’t get through their skulls and can’t stop DM-ing us about.
Drumroll, please…because I’m ready to give you the headline, and I’m ready to bust the aforementioned guts, and I’m also realizing we left the headline on a slip of paper in the Home & Garden section.
Can anybody chip in for a roundtrip Metro-North ticket to Croton-Harmon? On the way we can tell you about an even better joke we had for the Dear Evan Hansen closing performance we couldn’t post because we all got our tongues stuck to the same flagpole.