The Shubert Organization Announces Revival of Man Having Heart Attack at “Chicago”
by Zach Raffio. @zachraffio.
NEW YORK, NY - The Shubert Organization announced today their revival of Ted Garfield, the 63-year old man currently having a heart attack during act one of “Chicago,” the group announced via a press conference.
“We are thrilled to announce that we are bringing this man’s vitals back to life for what should be an illustrious few more years, hopefully decades,” notes Shubert chairman Philip J. Smith. “We know that many people were eagerly awaiting this decision - most notably his wife and son, who were seated next to him - and thrilled to introduce both old fans and new to this living, breathing adult man,” he added before a rapturous applause.
The revival is produced by Samantha Curry, an EMT who just happened to be sitting three rows behind Garfield as he went in to cardiac arrest.
“I have to thank the Shuberts and everyone at the Ambassador Theatre for this opportunity,” she noted, holding several bouquets of roses from adoring fans. “To be involved in the revival of such a beloved human man is truly an honor - I’m glad that I was able to be a small part of this production, and of course by ‘small part’, I mean that without my immediate action and medical expertise, he would definitely be dead. But, you know, why sit in the details?”
The Broadway Beat caught up with Garfield, a contractor visiting from West Virginia for a family trip before seeing his only son, Jeremy, off to NYU next week.
“I’m just blown away, metaphorically and literally, as I’m still a little short of breath,” he noted from a hospital bed at Mount Sinai. “To go from just a small town contractor to the subject of a Broadway revival is a dream come true. It just goes to show you that if you eat poorly, avoid proper exercise, smoke like a chimney and don’t take your medication, you can do anything.”
At press time, Garfield’s doctor was instructing him to follow a low cholesterol, low sodium diet moving forward, and to incorporate more aerobic exercise into his daily routine in order to stay fit for his new role as a revived man. Casting has not yet been announced for the role of Garfield’s personal trainer that he will definitely stop seeing after like three weeks.