Sad: Swing Still Fully Convinced They'll Go On as Lead
Updated: Mar 11, 2021
by Anna Larranaga. @annalarranaga.
WASHINGTON D.C. - In the lead up to Inauguration Day, Donald Trump has gossiped to close friends that, despite constant reminders that he lost a fair and just election, he’s confident he’ll be going on as the leading role of President despite November’s cast list suggesting otherwise.
“I starred in the 2016-2020 production, so I know the role really well,” said Trump, who was known for constantly improvising his lines and being difficult with production staff. “It honestly makes the most sense for me to step in.”
Trump has been seen practicing the President’s lines, despite there being a clear line of succession - that does not include him - if the current star of the administration Joe Biden is unable to perform.
“He keeps talking about how the casting process was rigged because Biden was a former Deep State cast member,” said Biden’s understudy Kamala Harris. “He keeps insisting that we redo auditions, but he’s just being a complete diva.”
Jared Kushner, an ensemble member in the last presidential production, privately shared his frustration with his castmate’s behavior.
“Look, I haven’t said this to his face because he can be such a bitch sometimes, but Donald needs to move on,” said Kushner as he packed up his Ben Nye kit in the White House. “Besides, he spent our entire run complaining. I think he should go back to doing TV work - he was much happier with that. Then maybe our company can hope for a somehow even worse revival in 2024.”
At press time, Trump was seen screaming on the phone with his agent Rudy Giuliani, who suggested he audition for a role on Fox and Friends.