• Broadway Beat

Producers Who Pre-Cast Suddenly Taking Auditions Very Seriously

by Justin Avery Smith. @JustAVerySmith.

WASHINGTON D.C. - Little Shop of Horrors alum Ketanji Brown Jackson faces an uphill battle after spending the past week auditioning to replace Stephen Breyer in the role of Justice on the bench of the Supreme Court. Several producers - who are known for pre-casting previous iterations of the role - have all of a sudden decided to take the audition very, very seriously.


“It’s nothing I haven’t dealt with before,” claimed Jackson, from her private library where her many diplomas highlighting just a fraction of her qualifications are displayed. “People will cast who they want, even if you’ve been preparing for this role since college. It's a popularity contest - or in this case, I guess an 'unpopular to the general public/anyone who is sane' contest.”


Ted Cruz, whose career could best be compared to the Broadway production of Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark, had this to say.


“Representation matters, and I’m worried that adding her to the ensemble could ruin another opportunity for white men who cry when they’re called out to see themselves on stage. Not to mention she doesn’t know basic things, such as whether or not babies are racist.”


Tucker Carlson, a television personality who has never been through the process himself but still has a strong opinion for some reason, is voicing similar sentiments.


“Are we really gonna start choosing qualified people over those who a small group of people holding a lot of power like best? Do we actually have to start considering things like resumes and work ethic? What kind of message does it send when we choose someone who was clearly meant to play to the audience of the woke mafia?”


Despite the skepticism, Brown Jackson is proving to be quite popular, and if selected, could arguably be the most well-casted role since Yul Brynner in The King and I, despite the many recent judges, whose casting is more easily equated to Russell Crowe’s turn as Javert in Les Misérables.