• Broadway Beat

Outdoor Theatre Fans Excited to Hear Classic Monologues “Helicopter Fly-By” and “Screeching J Train”

by Devin Wallace. @thedevinwallace.

NEW YORK, NY - As public parks across the city mount outdoor productions of some of theatre’s most enduring works, countless fans report their excitement to see world-famous monologues performed by brilliant actors, all muffled by the godforsaken honks and horns of New York City.


“I’m dying to hear the balcony speech from Romeo and Juliet,” said theatergoer Jenna Kurtz, while cupping her hands over her mouth as a biker with a boombox blasted "Baba O’Reilly". “Well, I mean, I’m dying to hear 'Romeo, Romeo, where art-' before an NYPD helicopter chasing a caravan of ATVs drowns the whole thing out.”


Longtime fans like Clark Goodworth flock to the same outdoor productions each year for their timeless, yet unique, performances.


“Every outdoor production brings its own flavor to the text,” shouted Goodworth while actively being swallowed up by a marching band. “Some actors will choose to scream over the plane taking off from LaGuardia, while others incorporate the Mr. Softee jingle into Coriolanus.”


Even fans outside of theatre meccas like New York City have something to look forward to during the outdoor season.


“We may not live on Broadway Street,” said Croton-on-Hudson resident Shirley White, who looks like everyone's aunt put together. "We still enjoy outdoor theatre like the big city folks. Our little amphitheater in the park is surrounded by a fire station, a construction site, and a factory that makes the sirens for fire stations. Last year they put on Sweeney Todd, but I couldn’t hear a word. I don’t know why that little hairdresser was so surly.”


Sources specifically cite Shakespeare in the Park as... something? We couldn’t hear them over a homemade fireworks display being set off in broad daylight.