• Broadway Beat

“Nobody Dresses Up for the Theater Anymore,” Claims Audience Member in Pirate Costume

by Emily Claypoole. IG: @playdohpoole / Twitter: @thisisemilyok.

NEW YORK, NY – Broadway audience member and Kansas City native Gilbert Bayer was left stunned that nobody dresses up for the theater anymore, upon discovering that he was the only person at the Brooks Atkinson tonight wearing a Party City pirate halloween costume.


“These walls are supposed to be sacred,” claimed Bayer, silencing his robotic parrot out of respect for the performers. “There's an unspoken agreement we all share to dress up in order to acknowledge how special the theater is. That’s why I’ve even committed to wearing my eye patch for the entire performance. This may be my first time in New York and my first Broadway show, but I at least had the decency to follow the rules.”


Bayer’s wife Marie shared a similar sentiment, flaunting a flapper dress and a 16” tall feathered headband.


“Gil and I have been planning this trip for months. We did all the research. I read one FULL article about Broadway etiquette, and if there is one thing we know for sure, it is that it is only proper to dress up for the theater,” Marie shared, collapsing a long, plastic cigarette holder to stow in her clutch. “I’m honestly shocked to look around and see our family are the only people appropriately dressed for the show.”


Meanwhile, Nora Corrigan, the Brooks Atkinson usher who sat Bayer and his family, was concerned for the couple's two young children.


“At first I thought it was cute: two eight-year olds dressed up in costumes. Then I realized they didn’t do it for fun, and that their parents forced them to wear itchy halloween costumes that don’t fit anymore,” began Corrigan, gathering a few lollipops from concessions to pacify the kids. “The blonde one was crying because she was dressed like Elsa, but they’re here to see Six. At least choose costumes that make sense.”


Following the performance, the Bayer family left the theater beaming with pride, excited to change into their bathing suits for a 3 course dinner at the Margaritaville Resort in Times Square.