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Method Actor Cast as Audrey II Sentenced to Life Without Parole

by Alan Seales. @theatre_podcast.

BOISE, ID. — The Lee Strasberg Theatre & Film Institute alumni Cameron Holland, cast as the voice of Audrey II in the local production of Little Shop of Horrors, received a life sentence without parole on Friday after taking his method acting a little too far.


“I actually developed a genuine taste for human blood,” stated Holland, as he fondly recalled his time in rehearsals. “Our training teaches us to fully embody and become our character in order to create it properly. Since Audrey II eats human flesh, there was only one logical course of action.”


Fiona Montgomery, the president of a lesser-known group inside PETA whose main focus is the repurposing of cadavers, spoke publicly for the first time since this story first broke.


“We do not condone Mr. Holland’s actions,” stated Montgomery while eating a bag of dehydrated meat, that we pray was beef jerky. “Sure, everyone deserves the right to eat whatever they want to eat in this life, but not at the expense of taking actual lives. We’ve developed wonderfully discreet relationships with local morgues and have created a successful mail order business for our members. We would have happily sent free samples.”


Detective Sullivan from the Boise police department ironically uncovered Holland’s unconventional pre-rehearsal “routine” while on her way to see Little Shop of Horrors as an audience member.


“I have season tickets to all the theaters in town since I’m a huge Broadway fan,” Sullivan recalls, as she paused Diana the Musical on Netflix to answer our questions. “When I passed the stage door, I noticed the telltale sign of blood splatter. At first I thought it was part of a prop or something that was leaking, but after working the beat as long as I have you start to learn to trust your gut. I’m just glad Holland didn’t eat mine.”


When asked for comment on Holland’s mental state, Sullivan replied, “He don’t need a shrink, he needs a year in the pen! See, I told you I’m a Broadway fan.”


It does seem, however, that Holland’s method acting has paid off. He is now the first Outstanding Regional Theatre Award winner to give his acceptance speech via prison payphone.

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