by Zach Raffio. @zachraffio.
New York, NY - Writers of the upcoming Broadway musical “Magic Mike” announced that they would be stepping down from the stage adaptation after reports that working on the show has made everyone super god damn horny.
“I thought we had it under control,” noted book writer Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa, adapting the 2011 Steven Soderbergh film following a ragtag group of hard-bodied male strippers. “Obviously the content has a ton of sex appeal and people were understandably captivated by that element, but it got to a point where everyone involved just too horned up to get anything done. Everyone receded to primal, lust-defined beings - plus they were blowing most of the budget on rose petals and oysters. We clearly wield too much power as writers, it would be irresponsible to remain on board.”
Director Trip Cullman, who is remaining with the production, noted his optimism for the production moving forward.
“We’re all about as horned up as a herd of bulls in a nordic horn store, but I think that’s good for building community. Yes, instead of taking traditional lunch breaks, we all eat oysters while listening to Marvin Gaye and laying naked on bear-skin rugs, but it’s just a different type of nourishment.”
Natalie Beller, a graphic designer doing some preliminary work on the show’s branding, recounted her experience.
“I got hired to help design the Playbills. I thought it would be a normal design job - work from home, bill my hours, nothing odd. However, as soon as I signed my contract and received their original notes, I found myself spending less time drawing and more time taking luxurious baths in heart-shaped tubs and spending an insane amount of money on oysters. The show is just so hot - how could you do anything else?”
At press time, the show was still moving forward - however, every member of the team we spoke with had to cut our interview short in order to “try on lingerie and light some candles,” due to the fact that they were “hornier than a jazz ensemble during a horns-only rehearsal in Hornsville, Ohio.”