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High School Student Lives Out Dream Role of Rizzo By Getting Pregnant, Being Mean

by Zach Raffio. @ZachRaffio.



HARTFORD, Conn. —  Weston Catholic High School senior Elizabeth Manner announced today that she plans to embody her musical theater dream role, Rizzo from “Grease”, by having the school’s bad boy impregnate her followed by just being generally mean to everyone in her life.


“I’ve been a huge ‘Grease’ fan since I was a kid” claimed Manner, who has already cut her hair into a short bob. “I begged the school to make it our spring musical, but they said it was too “risque”, so I’m taking matters into my own hands. I’m gonna have that dirtball Max Lewton get me pregnant and then I’m gonna be a total asshole to everyone, especially my close friends.”


Max Lewton, an honors student with severe asthma who just happens to own a leather jacket, had a different opinion regarding Manner’s plan.


“I'm definitely not the school’s bad boy. I don’t know why Elizabeth thinks that. I mean, yeah, I own a leather jacket, but I don’t smoke and I don’t even have my license yet, so I’m nothing like Kenickie. I think her plan is pretty paper thin. Plus, doesn’t it turn out at the end that Rizzo isn’t actually pregnant? Does she know that?”


Morgan Taylor, Elizabeth’s best friend and field hockey teammate, also expressed her confusion toward Manner’s new goal.


“I’m pretty sure she thinks I’m Frenchie. She keeps asking me when I start beauty school, and I keep telling her I’m going to Ithaca next year as a Bio major. Then again, she keeps calling me a “slutty airhead”, so maybe she thinks I’m Marty? Either way she’s being a dick. I mean, I understand being disappointed about the musical, but this feels extreme. Also, correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t Rizzo find out she’s not pregnant at the end?”


Manner also claimed that she’s deferred her acceptance to Brown University’s english program so she may re-apply for Harvard Law School, a reference to her second favorite musical, “Legally Blonde”. However, she also plans to lose her first big case, which again, is not how that musical ends.