• Broadway Beat

Haunted House Actor So Committed, So Focused, Fully in Control of- Oh, It’s an Animatronic Skeleton

by Ned Arnold. @theonlyned.

QUEENS, NY — A star was born today at Terry’s Chopped off Head Haunted House It’s not often that we are as astounded by the caliber of an actor’s performance as we have been today. Whoever is playing the role of the Spooky Skeleton that says ‘Ha ha ha… Heads Will Roll’ in a spooky voice is a thespian of the highest order, his level of commitment to the craft is astounding, and he- wait, he’s not real?


“We were amazed,” said fellow castmate Isaac Gromitz, who graduated from Juilliard in 2015 with a focus on Movement, and played Man With Bugs In His Mouth at Terry’s. “He never missed a cue, showed up before anyone else, and already knew his lines. We all were like, this guy’s a real pro. At least that’s what we thought, before we realized that it was an animatronic from when this place was a Chuck E. Cheese.”


The first signs that this hardworking performer was not what he seemed came two weeks into the running, when the other castmates realized he had not eaten or drank the entire time.


“I thought he was just committed to losing weight- I mean, he was playing a skeleton,” said James Camargo, another cast member who now feels silly for constantly inviting the skeleton to hang out. “We were all impressed with how Method he went. Isaac even considered putting real bugs in his mouth, instead of plastic bugs.”


These actors can take comfort, at least, in knowing that the skeleton fooled their cast across the board.


“I kept asking, ‘where did you study, Tisch?’,” said Marissa Bowl-Coin, who played the role of Spooky Woman Selling T-Shirts in the Gift Shop. “He wouldn’t answer me. At first I was a little put off, then I just took it as being a sign of how deep he was willing to go. When I found out he was a robot I was crushed. I was counting on him for an agent.”


The Animatronic Skeleton has, through his agent, given no comment, and requests that he be given privacy to study for his next role of Animatronic Snowman, which is said to involve a massive weight gain.