by Zach Raffio. @zachraffio.
DUBLIN - A group of local frat boys had the surprise of a lifetime today, after gathering to celebrate St. Patrick’s day at the pub from the hit musical Once, only to leave sober and with a longing for all that might have been, the wistful young men confirmed.
“We wanted to get fucked up, and I guess we kind of got our wish,” noted chapter head Jeremy, whose nickname used to be “Beef Knife” but is now, just, Jeremy. “I started the night with a keg stand, and now I’m standing here, asking the woman who has betwixt me, to just try and picture a future where this works. Please.”
The bar, which opened in 2011 and doesn’t technically have a working sink on account of it’s a set, has often found itself home to young partygoers who will leave with a newfound - if somewhat haunting - sad love.
“A couple years ago I popped two mollys and walked into that bar ready to become a fucking animal. Now I keep a napkin from the woman I met that night in a locked box under my bed and only look at it on the anniversary of that night,” noted former party hound Jack Robertson, who physically can’t shave his scraggly beard no matter how sharp the blade. “The scent is fading, but somehow more powerful than ever. She’s in every song I write, every poem I pen. That night may as well have been the rest of my life, for it is not the same without her presence. Also the beer was well-priced which you don’t always find these days.”
Local studio manager Eamon - a regular at the pub and owner of a lovely baritone voice - weighed in on the local phenomenon.
“I’m always telling people: if you dream of finding success, you can’t let love get in the way. But also, if you dream of finding success, you need her,” noted Eamon while everyone inside stomped all over the bar as if they don’t have to clean up after themselves. “If you think that sounds complicated, that’s because life is complicated. And love? Why she’s the biggest mystery of all. But also the simplest. Do you feel better?”
At press time, several frat guys were seen leaving the pub, only to run into the band from Sing Street, who left them feeling a bit more hopeful, and much more delusional in terms of thinking they could start a band.