Former Drama Kid Takes Up Free Soloing to Recreate Thrill of Receiving Cast List
by Mary Colussi. @MaryColussi.
YOSEMITE, CA - Former drama kid Rose Maxwell is currently preparing for her free solo ascent of El Capitan - best known for its role as an Apple screensaver - in an effort to recreate the thrill of receiving a new show cast list, the daring young thespian confirmed.
“I’ve never climbed anything, unless you count the ranks from run crew to leading lady,” the erstwhile drama kid and current “Storyteller,” according to her LinkedIn, admitted. “But after Mrs. Ford made us wait ten days for the cast list of Little Shop of Horrors, I knew I needed to find a way to relive that high.”
Mrs. Melanie Ford, longtime artistic director of North Central High School’s drama program, had mixed feelings about her former protege’s decision.
“I’ll tell you what I told Rose after she tried to audition for Godspell as a college sophomore: I measure the success of a student by how little they think about high school drama after graduation,” Ford commented from her retirement village, which she says she chose specifically for its lack of theater-related programming. “She may have been my Audrey and my Belle and my Matilda, but she is not my problem.”
Deborah Maxwell, former stage mom and current concerned mom, tried to dissuade her daughter over the phone.
“There are less deadly ways to recapture the glory days,” Deborah pointed out as her daughter began her final pre-climb preparations: A rigorous routine of vocal exercises and positive visualization, along with a cup of tea and a generous spoonful of honey. “What about community theater? I know they only cast you as a chorus member last time, but maybe if you apologize for that arson attempt they’d be willing to let you come within a mile radius of the building again!”
At this, Maxwell threw her phone into a nearby cluster of bushes, claiming afterwards that she was attempting to scare away a bear, despite the clear absence of bears.
Unfortunately, Maxwell’s feat was cut short when she discovered that no documentarians were present to film it. After Tweeting a call for an impromptu crew - whom she promised to pay in exposure, and potentially Oscars - Maxwell’s plans were discovered by park rangers, who swiftly escorted her off the property.
While the sun set over Yosemite, Maxwell plotted her next daring stunt. She’s currently considering cutting her own bangs, or removing the word “starlet” from her resume.