Embarrassing! This Portrayal of Diana Includes Zero Pop Songs
by Steven Verdile. Instagram @StevenVerdileCreative, Twitter @StevenVerdile.
Known for many things, Princess Diana was a philanthropist, activist, royal and mother. Despite the obvious indication that her life story be told through pop songs, as was done in the Broadway musical Diana, Kristen Stewart seemed to have missed the memo. Awkward!
“Wait, she was a singer too?” asked the confused actress, who had been looking for a big ballad ever since they cut her solo from Twilight. “I did a LOT of research for this role, but that never came up.”
Stewart portrays the pop music icon in the new film Spencer, a two hour drama film devoid of even a single dance number. Stewart said she was initially hesitant to accept the role because she assumed it was “the brother from iCarly” and felt she was “clearly more of a Sam”. Film director Pablo Larrain said he stayed awake many nights conflicted about his decision to strip the film of any vibrant musical moments.
“I remember thinking to myself that the musical was so unaware of its cringe, so blissfully ignorant of how it handled such a grim tale," noted Larrain, who ultimately realized he wanted to honor the campy yet lowkey depressing vibe from the stage show. "But who could perform a role that is completely awkward yet trying to be cool? Oh right, Kristen!”
After seeing the movie, one fan told us they were incredibly disappointed at the film’s absurd exclusion.
“When I think of Diana, I think about dancing and singing and costume changes and those tiny little headset microphones,” said the disgruntled man who still seemed to believe Princess Diana was a Disney Princess created for the Broadway show. “This movie was nothing like that Princess Diana. It was just like... British people being sad.”
After this mixed reception, Stewart reached out to us with some news that might please the film’s disappointed audience.
“You asked for pop songs... and you’re going to get them! Come see me next fall in Spencer II: Spencer Goes To SETC.”