by Rebecca Slaman. @rebeccaslaman.
NEW YORK, NY - Renovations are currently underway at Broadway’s Palace Theatre, where construction workers have noted odd, supernatural occurrences brought upon by what they believe to be the ghost of Nickelodeon cartoon character Spongebob Squarepants, following the closing of SpongeBob Squarepants: The Broadway Musical in September 2018, sources confirmed.
“At these jobs, you usually have to deal with your classic New York pests,” said local Foreman Jon Garrison. “However, this is unprecedented. That sponge is engraved in the very walls of this cursed place. Nickelodeon could have at least saged before we got here, as a courtesy,” he added while holding a set of rosary beads.
Workers have claimed to hear faint sounds of animated bubbles, a sizzling grill, and a sea shanty written by Sara Bareilles - while others report their tools turning on and off by themselves to the tune of the TV show’s theme song.
Some workers are planning to speak to the Nederlander Organization about this ongoing issue, but one in particular may be in too deep.
“I thought that was just a square intern with jaundice,” said Luke O’Keefe, 47. “I told him to get me a Diet Pepsi from Duane Reade, then turned around and he was gone - but I think I angered him. The ghost followed me home and every morning wakes me up yelling ‘I’m ready, I’m ready.’ I’d rather be at the Lyceum having a cigarette with Fosse’s ghost."
Professionals believe that the unceremonious closing of the critically acclaimed musical likely trapped the soul of Mr. Squarepants in the theater, joining the ranks of famous theater haunts from Broadway past. The crew recently brought in a medium to better assess the spirit’s demands.
“I felt a large, overly friendly presence,” notes local spirit guide Camila Randall. “Then I heard a high pitched laughter and a voice screaming ‘Ben Brantley gave me a rave review review review…’ as the voice faded away. Chances are, if the tour sells well, it’ll go away,” she added.
The musical's tour is set to run through July 2020, while renovations to the Palace Theatre are expected to continue, despite additional reports of snails, squirrels, plump starfish, crabs attempting to steal people’s wallets, and a faint clarinet being played throughout the hallowed halls.