by Zach Raffio. @zachraffio.
Fall is officially upon us, and you know that that means: yummy fall snacks. Think you can build the perfect fall snack board? Pick your favorites below, and we’ll tell you whether or not Tony winning stage icon Audra McDonald is leaving you anything in her will.
Let the snacking begin!
Pick a sweet - and remember, Audra is watching.
Pumpkin cookies
Cider donuts
Caramel apples
Pick something savory - while keeping in mind, of course, that the iconic Audra McDonald is using this info to gauge whether or not you’re a worthy heir for any or all pieces of her estate. It’s a big decision that includes a ton of legal guidance, so your savory snack decision may show up in court at one point.
Fresh baked pretzels
Air popped popcorn
Spinach artichoke dip with homemade pita chips
Pick a cheese - this one, specifically, is what Audra uses to judge where her liquid assets should go.
Brie
Aged havarti
Camembert
Nuts, anyone? - Audra hates all nuts except for one, by the way, so this choice is vital.
Cashews
Candied pecans
Hazelnuts
Finally, something saucy to wash it down - Audra has her eye closest on this category. This could be where you earn her trust and gain the legal ground to inherit her property, or where it all falls through. Literally everything is riding on this. Nothing in your life has ever been as important.
Red wine
Spiked cider
Pumpkin beer
Now let’s take a look at your plate and see if a lawyer will be adding your name to a document any time soon!
Mostly 1s: Sorry, but you will not be named in Audra McDonald’s will.
Mostly 2s: You will be left one item - a piece of paper, on which Audra has written “Fuck You”, based on your decisions today. You really messed up.
Mostly 3s: You will be left everything. You have gained Audra McDonald’s unwavering trust and support, and proven yourself as the only person capable of legally handling her estate. Congrats!