Broadway Bound? This Teenager is Really Loud

by Devin Wallace. @thedevinwallace.

CATSKILL, NY - Expectations for 13-year old Kennedy Mullins are growing sky high, as the teen demonstrates the key quality to succeed as a star on Broadway: being incredibly loud.

“I’ve always been very expressive, very big, very AHHHHH,” said Mullins before after-school choir practice, shattering several conveniently-placed wine glasses on a windowsill to cinematically demonstrate her loudness. “My parents were always telling me that I could be a theater actor, or that I need to go play in the shed.”

Those around Mullins are confident she has everything it takes to have an acclaimed, decades-long career on theatre’s most hallowed stages, which is mostly having a big ol’ voice.

“She could easily star on Broadway,” said ninth-grade history teacher Clark Schiff, reflexively reading Mullins’ essay in a booming, sing-song voice. “Or maybe she could be a professional shouter-person, uh, ya know…someone who yells, for money. She’s really loud.”

Older sister Tina Mullins echoed the others’ thoughts - although we could not hear those echoes over Kennedy’s singing from the other room. Tina attempted to describe something else to us, but honestly we couldn’t hear her because Kennedy was very, very loud, so impressively that we basically forgot to do the rest of the interview.

While many speculate on her Broadway future, Mullins may have another career path in mind, as she reportedly discovered a new school club named “Mock Trial.”