Blue Man Group Changes to Purple in Effort to Remain Politically Neutral
by Alan Giles. @alanfgiles.
NEW YORK, NY - Iconic performance art company Blue Man Group has announced that they will be trading their iconic blue body paint for purple paint to avoid showing any outright political bias.
“We live in a very political world right now,” explained veteran Blue Man Group performer Dustin West while slathering heavy coats of violet paint over the blue face he already had on. “Back in the 80s, colors were just colors. We just picked blue because they had a surplus of blue skin paint at Michael’s one day. But today, being ‘blue’ is essentially a political statement. Blue Man Group shows should be about drumming and dumping buckets of paint, not politics.”
Edwin Ortega, a self-identified centrist and long-time Blue Man Group skeptic, is excited for the color change.
“I’ve always avoided the show because I assumed they had some kind of agenda,” remarked Ortega while pinning a “Ross Perot for President ‘92” button to his tweed jacket. “I’d feel the same way if they were called ‘Red Man Group’. Enough with ‘blue versus red’! Why can’t we all just get along and be purple? If these weird, bald guys are really politically indifferent, then I’ll watch the show. At least until intermission.”
Shannon Todd, a spokesperson for the Democratic National Committee, shared the political party’s disappointment with Blue Man Group’s decision.
“We’re saddened to hear that Blue Man Group will no longer be a part of the Blue Wave movement,” stated Todd while binge-watching CNN. “It’s unfortunate that these talented, mute performers are unwilling to use their platform for progressive messaging. We can only hope that our other allies such as Blue Oyster Cult, The Blues Brothers, and Blue’s Clues don’t go down the same cowardly route.”
The new apolitical Purple Man Group has productions in Berlin, Boston, Chicago, Las Vegas, and New York City. Proof of no voting record is required upon entry.