“Beetlejuice” Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade Performance Goes Perfectly, No Mistakes, 19 Dead
by Zach Raffio. @zachraffio.
NEW YORK, NY - The cast of the hit Broadway musical Beetlejuice performed during the 2019 Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade this morning, delighting viewers with a flawless, exactly-as-planned showcase that brought smiles, cheers, and left 19 people dead, sources confirmed.
“The performance went just as we rehearsed it,” noted the show’s Tony-nominated lead, Alex Brightman. “Death is a big part of the show, so in addition to all the quirky lyrics and creepily fun set pieces, we were so happy to share some of the real actual dying that represents what we’re doing at the Winter Garden eight shows a week,” he added.
Causes of death ranged from conspicuously parked cars falling off of the Tappan Zee Bridge to being eaten by Sandworms. Parade commentator Al Roker shared his thoughts the performance.
“It’s always fun to see shows innovate,” noted the TV personality and former Broadway star himself. “Hadestown, Ain’t Too Proud and the others all brought captivating performances, but none of them had casualties, and that’s what really makes Beetlejuice’s branding really stick out. They’re not afraid to go the extra mile and literally murder people during one of the year’s biggest televised events, which is pretty charming if you ask me. They do it for the fans,” he added.
Attendees of the parade were perplexed by the performance.
“I get that death is part of the show and they wanted to mimic that, but this… this was just murder,” noted 20-year old parade attendee Mikaela Jonin, visiting from North Dakota. “At least there weren’t any technical difficulties. It definitely went as intended and was a tight, thorough, and energetic performance. I just wish my brother were still alive,” she continued.
At press time, all members of the Beetlejuice cast and crew were seen being arrested and charged with murder. However, the police department changed the words to the miranda rights to something a bit more whimsical, to mirror how the Beetlejuice cast updated their song lyrics for the parade - a move which some viewers noted as “fun and adorable” while others noted “I don’t care, they killed a lot of people”.