Archaeologists Unearth Actor’s Embarassing Old Headshots Hidden At Bottom of Egyptian Crypt
by Justin Ayer. @JustAyer.
CAIRO, Egypt. — The Egyption Ministry of Unmarked Graves announced a recent discovery that surprised even the most experienced archeologists: 500 black and white headshots of what appears to have once been an inspiring young actor, tucked away in a previously believed-to-be lost tomb.
“It’s a bewildering, yet fascinating find,” says renowned archeologist Dr. Misty Foster. “I have never seen anything like it, but after seeing the headshots, I get why someone would go to any lengths necessary to hide them from public view.”
The team that unearthed the headshots examined them and determined they were from the mid 1990s, as the man in them donned a puka shell necklace, a black crew neck shirt, and overly spiked hair. The name “Randolph Klein” was found printed on the bottom right corner of the headshot with each letter a different font, for some reason.
Klein’s resume included credits such as “Narrator” in the first and only staged reading of “Love is Just a Chapter In a Book,” a play his friend wrote, as well as “dismembered body” in an episode of something called “Cop Rock.”
The Broadway Beat caught up with Randolph Klein at a local Brooklyn Coffee shop he manages.
“I was hoping the photos wouldn’t be found in my lifetime, as they have brought me great shame,” says Klein. “I took extreme measures to get rid of them, but it looks like flying to Egypt and performing a harrowing exploration of abandoned tombs in order to bury them under 15 feet of ancient stone wasn’t enough.”
The photographer, Shelley Spencer, had plenty to say on the photo.
“It was great work and would have skyrocketed his career. You could’ve seen that photo hung in his local dry-cleaner or deli but no, it was hidden away in some tomb. What a waste!”
The Egyptian Ministry of Unmarked Graves is still uncertain of how Klein was able to get into the tomb, as it was heavily boobie-trapped and only accessible through a tunnel the size of a small boy.
“I wish I could’ve worked on a role as hard as I worked on trying to get rid of those headshots. I regret not taking more of the treasure when I left them, though. It could’ve really helped me out in the long run.”