by Zach Raffio. @zachraffio.
NEW YORK, NY - After losing the Tony Award for Best Lead Actor in a Musical for his titular role in Beetlejuice, Alex Brightman has been sentenced by the Broadway Gods to three more season of screen-to-stage adaptations, sources have confirmed.
"Of course I would have loved to win," said the actor while looking over the book for an adaptation of The Mask. "It would have freed me from the contract I signed when I was first starting out. Man, I wish I had a lawyer look that thing over. But still - it could be far worse."
The actor, who received Tony nominations for both School of Rock and Beetlejuice, is taking the sentence in stride. Damon Daunno, another actor who lost out in the category for his role in Oklahoma!, was not as pleased.
"My contract says that since I lost, I have to do a residency at 54 Below. This sucks," he said while deciding which song from The Last Five Years he'll be singing monthly for the next calendar year. "Why didn't I have a lawyer look this over?"
Patrick Page, snubbed for Best Featured Actor for his turn in Hadestown, was sentenced to sing even lower notes in whatever his next role will be.
"I think my vocal cords might just... break. This is bad. Our union should really do something about these contracts," he said while looking over the book for a musical adaptation of Brad Garrett's life.
At press time, Brightman was reviewing several workshop dates for adaptations of everything from The 40-Year Old Virgin to Zoolander to Jumanji, still appearing to be in good spirits.
"They say the sky's the limit, and perhaps one day that will be true, but due to the contract I signed in blood, successful Hollywood comedies are my current limit. But once it expires in 2022, I'm free," he said, forgetting about the 50 years of BroadwayCon appearances he also signed on for.